Rekindled Friendship

I’m not the type who gives up easily. I am actually known to be very patient – too patient that sometimes it’s bad for me. I recently got into a quarrel with an old friend. I’m not going to get into details but let’s just say I got fed up. I try to be politically correct whenever I talk to people, may it be friends, clients, colleagues.. and I DEFINITELY don’t shout at people when I am angry. A good friend did it to me a couple of months ago and I was so hurt that I decided not to be friends with her anymore (I know it sounds a bit immature but…hey..you don’t know the whole story) so I stopped talking to her until last Wednesday.

It was the birthday of one of our friends and she invited us to have dinner at Greenbelt. I honestly didn’t want to go because I knew M was going to be there and we weren’t talking. I have been avoiding awkward moments with her for the longest time and I’m happy to say that I have been very successful until last Wednesday. I pretty much didn’t have a choice because I haven’t seen my friend (the birthday girl) for the longest time. So I just said yes and dragged myself to Greenbelt to get it over with.

We had dinner at Kitchen, the 4 of us. I was dreading it, but when we were all seated together and each of them started talking about their lives, memories of how we were in our previous company started flooding back. We were all good friends, very close. We had a lot of fun. We were like sisters. We shared a lot of things.. our angst about our boss, our families.. and our love lives (or lack there of). I missed them.. all of them.. and M too. I was looking at the 3 of them while we were all laughing our asses off… and I couldn’t help but think…”what happened to me? Why did I prolong this negative feeling inside of me? Why did I shut her out?” I missed her.

I have been hurt plenty of times – I’ve lost count already, I just didn’t think a good friend could hurt me the way she did. But, I now realize that I have been very proud. I know for a fact that nobody is perfect. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. People I love make mistakes. G hurt me like no other guy ever did – and yet I forgive him every single time – why didn’t I forgive her?

I feel awful for letting this drag for months. I feel that I’ve wasted so much time being negative and cold hearted. I was just so down and depressed when it happened that I didn’t want to feel anything. I was so angry at the world. I didn’t want to be close to people. I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t want people to know about what was happening with me. I wanted to shut everyone out. And I did. And I thought I was doing fine until I got to spend time with them again. That night made me feel alive again. They made me feel that I am not alone and that they are there – will be there for me. I must admit I’ve forgotten how to be human because I decided to be a robot after that incident.

Let this be my way of saying sorry to you M. Forgive me for shutting you out.. and thank you to you – to you guys for bringing me back.